Food vs. Anti Food

Dear Leo,

Owning a mouth is amazing. Opening and closing it, as you have already discovered, enables humans to make noises called language, which helps them to communicate with each other. It will be quite some time before you refine the art of making comprehensible noises, but for now you're doing just fine.

The other thing Mommy sees you have noticed is that your mouth contains tastebuds, and that different objects do not feel or taste the same when shoved hastily into it. Apparently this is partially because you have more nerve endings in your mouth than anywhere else in your body and, unlike us big people, you have tastebuds on the roof of your mouth.

Which is why Mommy is flummoxed by your choice of objects-to-be-mouthed. It is with growing distress that she has noticed that foodstuff is not included in this list.



In some instances, she finds herself reluctantly agreeing with your choices. Mommy's slip slop is, no doubt, much tastier than a brussel sprout or broccoli. However surely various bits of garden foliage and sand do not compare favourably to yummy apple and yoghurt?

Your approach to vegetables is confusing. You got along with them so well when you first met, but now you eye them with disdain and close that mouth you so willingly open for the other thousand objects you encounter each day. Mommy notices you have decided that their only appropriate function is to be squished between your fat little fingers so that you can better decorate Mommy, your face and the surrounding furniture.

Loosely, here is list of inedible stuff, with some suggestions of edible stuff you could replace them with.

1) Books: Daddy and Mommy have cultivated your passion for books since you were born. They didn't quite realise that they would become desirable objects to eat. Mommy suggests you try pasta or rice as a replacement, since they also have a bland, floury consistency.

2) Cables: Mommy has diligently removed all of the cables she could find, but you seem to have a knack for locating invisible ones. How about carrot or cucumber strips as a replacement?

3) Sand: Yes, it is organic but no, it is not a food group. The fact that you enjoy it's gritty texture suggests that you can tolerate other gritty textures such as mince or chicken.

4) "Stuff" from the floor: Please note that food is not generally served on the floor. If you see Mommy approaching with a bowl and spoon, please direct your head and mouth towards Mommy. Looking out the door or window will not prevent the inevitable advance of the spoon.

Mommy wants you to grow up to be a big, strong boy. She also knows how keen you are to walk. By heeding the few suggestions above, you can begin to accomplish these exciting things.

Mommy is looking forward to sharing a rich culinary future with you.

Much love,
Mommy,