The Nefarious Tooth Fairy and the Great Tooth Conspiracy

Dear Leo,

Mommy is rather unhappy with The Tooth Fairy, and feels that there is a conspiracy at play.
















Image courtesy of The Family Guy

Something is Up.

You are now displaying an impressive collection of 7 teeth, 2 of which appeared in the past week.

Your paedaetrician has assured Mommy that, actually, teething is not painful but rather uncomfortable with no associated side effects.

Luckily for her, she's not the one to change gooey nappies, to retrieve a kaleidoscope of objects from your mouth, or to stagger around at 3 am in the dark while trying to locate something to soothe your frustrated gums.

The appearance of your milk teeth is most assuredly bothering and hurting you, and Mommy cringes when she thinks that you will start losing these carefully grown treasures when you turn 5.

At this point, the Tooth Fairy will appear to collect them in the middle of the night, leaving a mingy bit of cash beneath your pillow, hardly equivalent in value to the effort it took to get these teeth in the first place.












Benoni-style baby chair and teething ring

It has also occurred to Mommy that, in general, the entire teething business is just another capitalist racket. The Tooth Fairy must surely be in collusion here too. There are bottles and tubes and powders, teething rings, teething toys, teething biscuits and even teething necklaces. And Mommy has fallen for all of them.

In your world, teething rings and toys actually come in all shapes and sizes. Money spent on teething rings is wasted...they simply form part of the category of "things to chew on for a bit", only to be discarded when the next chewable thing catches your attention.

Teething biscuits last about the same amount of time before being flung on the floor and rendered inedible. Mommy suspects they are of dubious nutritional value as well.

And the teething necklace? A source of great debate amongst those that use them, and those that don't. In the interests of science, Mommy got over her fear and removed your necklace and then put it back on again to see if it had an effect. She can categorically state that it does nothing, other than to make you a look a little girlie. It also causes her great concern when you choose to chew on it (probably a more effective and less child friendly use for the necklace).

Although Mommy is not really a fan of drugging you, she has resorted to the medicinal route on occasion. It means you, Mommy and Daddy sleep and that we can get through the next 13 toothies more peacefully.

Mommy will be sorry to see you lose them again. And may even choose not to let the Tooth Fairy capitalise off them.  Now if Mommy and Daddy could just work out what the Tooth Fairy is REALLY doing with the teeth...

Much love,
Mommy